Archive for the ‘Mom: Relationships’ Category

When Mama is sick,

She can stay away from work,

She can postpone her housework for a few more days

But it is tough for her to take time-off away from her responsibilities as a mom.

Agree?

 ——–

I guess when a Mama is sick, she will remain concerned whether her young children have been eating well, completing their school homework, being neglected, taking good care of themselves….

Yes, there is no Sick Leave from Parenting.

At least, for me, my children’s well-beings will always be above mine…even when I am sick or busy.

This is also the unconditional love of a mom as I witnessed in my mom and also friends who are moms.

 ——–

When I fall sick, it is common for my young one to crawl up and down of my bed, blast my ears with loud TV volume, rattle into my ears with my eyes closed and pester…

Despite all these, when I open my eyes from those interrupted sleep- the bright smile that I see, the warm touch from their little hands and the sincere gaze into my eyes - never fail to make me feel better *Smile*.

When we fall sick, nothing is more important than having our family around us, to show their care and concern and lend a helping hand.

For this, I am glad that Papa Ed is here to help with all the domestic chores and remind this stubborn mommy to swallow those large pills.

And the boys are learning to take care of themselves and squabble less when mommy is sick these few days. I am taking a short break to finally treat my health with care.

I am truly thankful when I compare to those years, when I had to juggle alone, with 2 young kids, even when I was sick.

This is another lesson in life to teach me not to take people and things for granted.

[Thank you! To my 3 guys at home]

If only Maintaining A Happy Marriage is as easy as ABC.

13 years into marriage……

I deeply appreciate that it needs the cooperation, respect and efforts of BOTH PERSON to sustain a happy marriage.

Marriage, too, needs Nurturing.

I have these ABCs of Marriage to share . Really meaningful…..

[Source: marriage.about.com]

A - Abandon Selfishness and Be Open to Change

B - Bestow Praise on One Another

C - Call Home if Running Late

D - Dream Dreams Together

E - Enjoy Learning New Discoveries About One Another

F - Flowers Say Much

G - Grins Can Be Life Giving in Your Marriage

H - Hands are for Holding

I - Invest Your Time, Talent and Treasure on Your Marriage Relationship

J - Journey Together and Share Expectations

K - Know How to Have Fun Together

L - Love is a Decision

M - Make Time for Being Alone Together

N - Negativity is Death Dealing in Any Relationship

O - Obliterate Jumping to Conclusions

P - Plan for Passion

Q - Quit Quarrelling Constantly

R - Remember Special Days

S - Share Feelings on a Daily Basis

T - Take Lots of Pictures and Create Great Memories

U - Unity Creates Joy

V - Vacations are Not Luxuries - Make Time to Re-Create

W - Write Love Letters to One Another

X - Xmas is a Time for Building Traditions, Not for Creating Tension

Y - Yearn for a Great Marriage, Not Just a Good One, By Supporting One Another

Z - Zestfulness Breeds Excitement

If you also have some useful Marriage Guides to share with us and our readers, we welcome your comments *smile*.

Last few weeks have been most hectic.   I have been in and out of Singapore several times and it is extremely tiring to travel those long distance by land or by air.   Then there was the mad rush to be back for Chinese New Year, rushing through the houseworks, attending to the boys, and still having to answer for office deliverables.  

I am worn out and exhausted.  All I need is a really good rest. Yet, such a simple wish seems so impossible…..especially with so many responsibilities lying on my shoulder. *sigh*

[I cannot believe that I would fall sick twice within a month. Now, I am voiceless due to my flu. It shows that our body really needs a break:(]

Perhaps, my fatigueness is written all over my face. Just when I needed comfort most, that little voice of Brendan brought peace to my heart last night. 

He said:”Mommy, don’t be sad. You are the strongest woman. You know you will never give up.”

The encouragement came “pleasantly” unexpected. It is heartwarming.

The message is simple and short. To me, it is sufficient. Some sincere and encouraging words from her child are enough to warm a mother’s heart.

[No matter how demanding or disobedient our kids are sometimes, they do brighten up our life too. Don't you agree?]

The soothing words came at the right time *broad smile*.

“THANK YOU, Bren. I am just sick and exhausted. I will be better soon………..”

12 years ago, on the 28th February, we celebrated our wedding with about 300 relatives and friends. To the Chinese, it was an auspicious day which is made up of auspicious numbers:).   So, yesterday was our 12th Wedding Anniversary.  

Nope, we did not spend the special day in a special manner. Cos’ we chose not to.

[Instead, we spent the day with our boys - preparing for their examinations (CA1 and AA1 which commenced today) and we wanted to avoid the "grand" restaurant which was overcrowded (packed with diners celebrating the last day of Chinese New Year).]

12 years ago, myself, a happy and excited bride

It has become common to have a sumptous meal together on this special occasion when Papa Ed is not out-stationed.  Unless we have special reasons to bring the boys along, I do enjoy the “only me and him” meal together (when we can really enjoy a good talk without any kids interrupting). In recent years,  sometimes, we receive self-made ”wishing cards” from the boys too.  

After so many years, what I wish for from my hubby is not wedding anniversary gifts, flowers or expensive meals.  However, what I value most are those heartfelt messages that were written for me on the cards.  I must say I do miss and still collect the wedding anniversary cards that Papa Ed designed and made for me previously *haha, I am getting nostalgic*.  Though the mode has changed to e-cards now, the heartfelt messages that he shared on the cards still never fail to touch my heart….

[I feel that it is a good idea for husbands and wives to express their special thanks or feelings for each other on their special day. For those who are usually not used to expressing their loving and grateful feelings to their spouses, sending a card to your loved one, expressing your sincere thoughts on this special day is definitely touching and inspiring.  Best of all, these cards can be kept, reminding us of every sincere and special word expressed to us from our loved ones.]

Indeed, Wedding Anniversary is a special day for many couples. Each anniversary marks another year of TOGETHERNESS:

Together triumphing life’s difficulties

Together sharing each other’s joy and woes

Together respecting each other’s dreams

Together setting goals for the family and kids

 (of course there are many other GREATNESS of being TOGETHER)

However, we can make everyday special for our loved ones too (not necessarily on the Wedding Anniversary day). I like these meaningful extract of words that Papa Ed sent to me in his card this year, amongst his other message :

“I wouldn’t start by saying that today is a special day…..

Because since you entered my life,

You have made everyday of mine so special ……..”

 I like this mode of communication especially on our special day. It lets me know that my years of dedication and love for my family has been appreciated and is all worth it:)

“Love is the assurance that the man you give your hand to will be there at the end of the day;
 
Love is the security of knowing your good qualities are appreciated and your faults forgiven;
 
Love is the joy of giving your best to another person and receiving much more in return;
 
Love isn’t the person you can see yourself with, it’s the person and family you can’t see yourself without.”

I love this message on a card, especially the last sentence “Love, it’s the person and family you can’t see yourself without”.  It’s so true and meaningful. 

I received a call from Darren’s teacher.  When I asked her about his performance, she remarked : “He did not give me any serious problem except that he likes to mind other’s business and not his own business. He keeps talking. However, he is really cute because no matter how I scold him, he will still say goodbye to me happily and is always cheerful.” 

“Keeps Talking”? I was afraid that he might not have got used to the class. Though it is not good to talk while teacher is speaking, somehow I was comforted that he keeps talking because he has settled down in class. 

So, “he is minding other’s business and not his own business” because he is curious. At this age, I have also noticed that he has become very curious. Always on the lookout of happenings around him or asking questions.  It is not wrong to be curious but if it affects his concentration in “listening to teacher”, then that would not be good.  Curiosity to a certain extent, has its merits.

I remember :

 [It is a mirace that curiosity survives formal education.]

- Albert Einstein-

[Curiosity is the very basis of education and if you tell me that curiosity killed the cat, I say only the cat died nobly]

- Arnold Edinborough-

So back to the question, how do I get Darren, a young and curious 6-year-old boy” to mind his own business and not bother about the surroundings?

Common Saying 

Remember the common saying ”Behind Every Successful Man, There is A Woman“?  I do not know how this saying starts but it must hold much truth for many variations of similar versions to be be shared *wink*

Many mommies and wives have  opted to stay at home to look after the domestic matters, kids and elderly parents.  In addition, some also work from home. Most do this to spend quality time with their kids and also give the fullest support to their husbands so that daddies/hubbies can concentrate their time and effort at work. Some stay at home due to culture and other reasons.

Changing Society and Women’s Role

While the society has evolved and there are also a number of daddies who stay at home to tend to domestic matters and kids, the general mentality is still that mommies can do a better job at home while hubbies/daddies carve out a success at work. 

Today, as women receive higher education, many are also showing their capabilities at work. However, the general saying or expectations of a “Behind Every Successful Man There Is A Woman” still remains.  A growing number of mommies are striving to carve out a successful career and also strike a balance in family life. 

So does it remain true that “A Mother’s Success is Measured by Her Success At Home” and not so much of  “Success At Work”?  Somehow, there is this question popping up in my mind….why is it that in today’s society while mommies or wives are wearing our career hats and “expected-to-be ideal mother’s hats”, we are still generally expected to be performing excellently in domestic matters or kid management?  While we hold on to the popular saying that women’s existence is so important to support the success of their men or sons, does it also mean that women today need to wear more hats now and still to ensure the success of our men? *ponder*

Why do we not also consider the other school’s of thoughts (in the case of a marriage) that “Behind Every Successful Woman, There is A Supportive Man“?  In this case, daddies/hubbies have to understand the needs of their spouses and give all the mental support and walk out of the mentality that “certain chores” are meant for women only?  With a changing society, it is only REASONABLE to understand the importance of EQUAL PARENTING and EQUAL PRIORITY IN FAMILY, and NOT continue to let them rest on the shoulder of one party only.

Moments to ponder….

Well Done! Supportive Hubbies/Daddies

Of course, there are already many supportive daddies and husbands who are already rolling up their sleeves to do their parts and understanding that wives/mommies are wearing multiple hats now. Good Job! I guess both parties must be equally supportive to ensure a happy family and career.

As for Us

For this, I am thankful to have a husband who volunteers his shares of household chores, taking care of our boys and who beams over every success of his wife and kids as much as he does for his own. ….although we are still a little away from being EQUAL.  Afterall, he has his career in mind.

Though there are times when I have to bear a much higher responsibilities when he is not around for us (Yes, and I do complain about overloading and over-estimation of my capabilities), he understands my dedication in my career and family, and that he will be extremely involved in the family life whenever he is not overseas. For this, “Thank You”and I know he understands my appreciation and what I mean (despite my occasional grumblings and expectations) *wink*.

Perhaps, the arrangements have not been totally the way I wish it could be.  Maybe, I have my own expectations. But after hearing stories of some other hubbies/daddies, I have to learn to be appreciative (We all have to). Being a couple, definitely, the importance of “Give and Take” and “Mutual Respect” is something that we have to constantly remember and persevere.

I guess “Behind Every Successful Mommy, There Must be A Supportive Family and Employer” (for those employed) *Right?*

So, what are your views on this topic? You are welcomed to share.

Just a while ago, Darren came beside me and surprised me with ”Mommy, you are the  best.” I asked him why he said so and he replied, “Because you love me.” Then he continued”, “You love me and you help me and kiss me.”

So, what little Darren values most is mommy’s love. It is obvious that he values the warm hugs and kisses that I have showered him.

Brendan heard and joined in the conversation. “Mommy, you love me. I love you too because you are there for me when I have difficulties. I remember you are always there when I see doctor and give me encouragement. When I am happy or sad, you are there to share. I am happy, like today, when you are on leave to spend time with me.  This is why I know mommy loves me.”

As for me, I know a mother’s love for her kids is unconditional.  That is we do not anticipate any returns and neither should we look at it as imposing or a sacrifice. However, it is certainly motivating to hear from our kids that they appreciate what we have done for them - through our unspoken love and actions.  My two boys give slightly different versions of their feelings of their mother’s love. However, through a simple conversation, I have a deeper understanding of what they value most from my love.  It is nothing materialistic and nothing difficult to achieve.  Yes….just that touch of warmth, that encouragement, that time spent, and that caring gesture when they are in need.

Try this little conversation with your kids on what they value most from you. So do you have a deeper understanding now - on what your kid values most between you and him/her?

Most of my time are spent in two places - office and home. Most of my days are spent busily, managing an office and never-ending jobs. Most of my nights and weekends are spent with my family or running errands.  Including the sleeping time and little moments to engage myself in my own activities, it seems that there is hardly any time to take a breather. So…life has been challenging. Sometimes, this can be negative because I fail to slow down my pace to think, observe and ponder.

These few days, I have not been feeling too well. Staying away from the heat and crowd and  lunching in the comfort of office is definitely the best choice. As I took my lunch and gazed at the bright horizons outside my office window, I suddenly felt calm . As I extended my vision to the surrounding ground level which is tens of storeys below me, it suddenly occurred to me that I haven’t been noticing that the environment around me is actually so beautiful and green, and I haven’t ever appreciated that I have such a nice view from where I am sitting everyday for the last few years!   Haha…many would have paid a large sum of money for an apartment with such highrise and good view.  For me my job has overwhelmed me and I failed to realise…..

Does this happen to you too that in the course of your hectic life, you fail to realise the beauty of the environment or even people or matters around you?

The beautiful view from my workspace. Why didn't I realise?

After my marriage, I have been coping with domestic matters with the help of domestic helpers. Unfortunately, there have been many “headache” stories with domestic helpers but at the end, we live with it because the reality is that we need them to relieve our load. Lately, with several episodes of my domestic helper who stole from me and then my domestic helper who just ran away from home, I am really grateful to have my super dad and mom who came to our rescue and rendered help wherever they could.  Our hungry stomachs are filled with delicious homecooked food, torn clothes (that have been conveniently ignored by the domestic helper) are now sewn. When I was younger, I  NEVER REALISE the warmth when my parents took care of me unconditionally. After marriage and especially now, I truly realise how thankful I am….Many of us fail to realise how fortunate we are “when we are living in it” but “realise either only after we lose or regain it, or after making a big roundabout  in life”.

Sometimes, we grumble about the close ones around us. We fail to appreciate what they have done for us. We expect more from them than from anyone else. We NEVER REALISE how much they have accomodated us. Frankly, I am guilty of grumbling about the standard of household chores done by Papa Ed.  Not that he is not doing a good job but it is just that we have different ways of doing some of them. So, I failed to realise how fortunate I am to have him around and relieve my load so that I can come home from work with less stress. Now I truly REALISE how lucky I am to have a hubby who takes his initiatives to “snatch the household chores from me” during this period when we have no domestic helper.

Perhaps, writing this post has made me realise many things that I was too busy or obstinate to realise in the past. Not feeling too well has enabled me to slow down my pace. Slowing down pace has helped me to appreciate things, people and facts that I failed to realise in the past…..

In life, we do need to spend some time slowing down our pace and adjust our perspectives in life…to appreciate and self-reflect.

The boys have paternal and maternal grandparents and it was only yesterday that we realised that Darren has not figured out who are whose parents! *oh dear*

We were somewhere near Papa Ed’s old residences and he decided to drive there to show the kids his old hangouts.

Papa Ed: “Look! This is Papa’s OLD house.”

Darren: ” I want to go in leh.”

Papa Ed:”You cannot go in because it is now other people’s house.”

Darren: “Huh…I want to go inside.”

Mommy:”Shall I bring you to Papa’s present house now?”

Darren:”OK!”

Mommy:”Then you can even visit papa’s room.” <I was playing with him>

Darren:”Yeh! I want to see Papa’s room.”

Mommy:”Ok. Here we go. Actually, the house that I am bringing you to now is your own house now.” <Darren has still not caught the joke>

Darren:”Huh?”

Mommy and Papa Ed:”Because Papa’s and Mommy’s house are also your house.” *chuckling*

Darren:”Orrr…..Hahahahaha”.<Finally, realising the joke!>

Papa Ed: “Just now the house that you looked at was Papa’s Papa’s house.” <Seems like more confusing for Darren now>

Darren:”Papa’s Papa’s??? You mean Ah Gong’s house?” <”Ah Gong” is how he addresses my father>

Papa Ed:”No. it was Yeye’s house” <”Yeye” is how he addresses Papa Ed’s father>

Darren:”This is not Ah Gong’s house?”

Mommy:”Darren, you go to Ah Gong’s (maternal grandfather’s) house almost everyday and Ah Gong is Mommy’s father. Yeye is Papa’s father.” *Oh dear:(* <Darren didn’t realise who is whose father>

Hmmm...Deep in thoughts...

At the end, I guess it is still grandfathers and they should not make a difference afterall. My parents-in-law are either busy at work or residing in the United States. Hence the children do not really have the opportunities to meet FIL and MIL that often in a year.

Lesson that I learn - I must REALLY spend some time with the kids to explain to them the FAMILY TREE.

How many married couples take effort to nurture your relationships after marriage?

How many married couples bother to give pleasant surprises to each other?

How many married couples continue to say “Thank You”, “Sorry”, “I Love You”, “I Need You” readily?

How many married couples continue to talk, share with each other and listen like you used to be when you were just boyfriend and girlfriend?

How many married couples make it a point to spend time together in your own lover’s world, doing things together that you used to do, especially when you have kids?

How many married couples bother to work out differences or problems instead of leaving them aside till they explode?

The point is do married couples generally still take the extra efforts to invest in strengthening the love relationships, making it sustainable and avoid making it monotonous or taking each other for granted as days passed by?

So we are aware of this theory that even in a marriage, both parties need to put in effort to nurture the relationship (just like how we take care of a plant if we want it to continue blooming with beautiful and healthy flowers). A marriage relationship has to be well-cared for, and respect for each other and equal effort in nurturing the relationships are important.

A friend sent me this useful message which I would like to share with the husbands of many other fantastic wives and loving mothers. It is also meant for the eyes of my hubby, Papa Ed <wink>.

Marriage does not mean the end of courtship. If it is, haven’t you just “cheated” your wife into marrying you? As her boyfriend you showed affection, love and showered her with gifts. You make your wife feel special and she had the impression that it will stay the same after marrying you. Fathers, continue to court your wife. Your marriage should not be a signed contract to stay with each other, but a choice to be bonded by love.

With a constant show of affection to your wife, your children will grow up to be more affectionate too. They will be more ready to express their love for you and have a healthy reference on what they want their marriage to be. When Daddy and Mummy are happily in love, the children will instinctively find joy in knowing that.

The best gift you can give your child is to love their Mother.

Hope this is useful. Wishing you a blissful marriage:)