Last few weeks have been full of mini-celebrations.

We had a simple wedding anniversary celebration alone with dim sum lunch and then bought a mini-cake to celebrate with our boys.

In celebration of the day we walked down the wedding aisle on 28 Feb 1998. Yummy durian cake:)

Love the flowers and bear he bought for me earlier during Valentine’s day and beautiful pair of ear rings for our wedding anniversary.

I do not really fancy little bearies but do cherish surprised gifts from hubby.

Then we celebrated Papa Ed’s birthday. Our boys, expecially Brendan, put in much effort to plan an interesting programme for their papa. What do they do when they are not fetching an income to purchase gifts for their dad?

Well, they put up a skit for Papa Ed, followed by other performances at home and prepared props. Haha! It was kind of kiddie but ultimately with the enthusiastic intent and sincerity, how could their papa not be touched? Really value these sincere thoughts of our boys to put in an exciting celebration programme for each of us in the family every year.

Ha! We must be obsessed with durian cake:) The thing about having kids is that we have no lack of people helping to blow the candles and cut the cake.

 Then, grandma and grandpa came over from the States and it’s get-together time for the family after two long years.

 Boys and their grandparents.

Naughty Darren giving a helping hand to pluck the last few strands of black hair.

 Our boys are always happy when family gets together:)

I believe I have broken personal record of not blogging for almost a month. Where has time gone?  Busy or simply weighing new priorities in life?

Stranded between going back to work or not dilemma, I am still on the “wait and see” mode.  

So, I asked myself why I need to get back to workforce?

When both boys were at home in the past, I used to complain that they were noisy and squabbling. Now, that our elder secondary school boy spends almost 10 hours a day in school, that terrible lonely feelings of an empty house overwhelms me after our younger one goes to school at noon.  I agree. Our kids grow and once they become independant and packed with their activities, it becomes impossible to hold them by our side. Treasure their company while we can.

Then friends were cautioning me “Hey! Your employment value will depreciate if you stay home for too long”, “Aren’t you putting your degree to waste?  You have younger and foreign competitors now and it’ll be too late if you delay further”, “Don’t you miss those days when you could self support financially or help relieve your hubby’s burden? It’s always safer in case your spouse lose his career too”, “Come back again. You have been a good boss”, “Oh! if you are still working, you would have been getting bonuses like us.”

Seriously, I do not meet the mark of housewives who gather together and gossip about family members, neighbours or “tai tai” who spend hours at beauty saloons, shopping or having afternoon teas. HAHA! Friends joke that I am not exploiting my freedom now to pamper myself when I could have. 

So, when those lonesome hours sweep over me, these persuasive words and temptations have its powers to push me from my comfort zone now and chase after that career ladder again.

Photo taken during the Sentosa Flower Festival in Jan 2012 and am so thankful for the strong relationships I continue to maintain with our boys. These precious moments to hold them close by our side will soon sweep pass and I don’t want to miss it.

Then, I have my doubts.

In contrary, my daily life now is packed with even more activities and things I wish to accomplish.

I am committed to living a healthier lifestyle now with regular exercising, and learning skills that I have not been able to pick up before in school or work life, and being able to move around and discover a whole new world.  These days, I value my freedom in the afternoons, abandoning my car and hopping onto a MRT - moving around, window shopping, reading, exercising, joining friends for lunch, attending courses, AND staying in the comfort of home - working on e-business and  experimenting the making of new dishes, desserts and yogurt.

I am thankful for those rewarding efforts of getting to know our boys better, growing with them, and witnessing the light up on their faces when they come home in the evenings to enjoy home prepared yogurts and desserts.

Despite our other sacrifices, I am happy to be able to give hubby an ease of mind to concentrate on his career knowing that the domestic affair is well-taken care of.

I am enjoying the flexibility to drop by the pools at my own time to watch our boys progress in their swimming lessons, join them in regular exercises, be available for them anytime when they need my support and catch up with friends or activities that I have shelved for so long.

Though I miss those days when I have no lack of people to mingle with at work every single hour and at home when our boys were in two different school sessions, I have also discovered the beauty of quiet afternoons for myself now — with no disturbances and having full concentration to indulge in my own activities. I really appreciate these ME and My fulfilling and self-enriching MOMENTS that I could only afford now finally after putting my career to a halt. As a result, a refreshing mind, a keen attitude to stay healthy, and a stronger relationship with the family.

Back to the question : Should I get back to work? Papa Ed replied :”If you go back to work, what’s happening to our kids? But then its’ really up to you because going back to work could mean saving for kids’ future too.” (I guess he has silently appreciate the greater opportunity for me to work on the character building or curriculum progress of our boys when I am home . BTW, I would really like to thank the supportive hubby for working extremely harder without a word of complaint so far and making it possible for me to stay home and be with our boys.)

I wish it’s as easy as throwing a coin to decide -  family vs career - again.

Why am I beginning to feel that communication with growing up kids is getting tougher? These days feel that I need to wear “bullet proof” vest before I get injured by “word” ammunitions. 

When our kids were babies and toddlers…..

 We used to think that communication was tough. Those were the days when our babies could only communicate through their cries and as first time parent, we had to struggle with interpreting the different meanings of the cries.

As they progress…..

We pride ourselves over every new word they learn even if it means communicating with popular “parent-child codes” like “mumm mumm” (eat), “shee shee” (pass urine), “orh orh” (sleep).

When our young children get disobedient and when lecturing or even reminders fall on deaf ears, we wish our children could be old enough to understand the kind meanings behind our words soon and longing for that one day when they could communicate at our level of maturity.

Then, when that day comes, we are suddenly awakened by the fact that communicating with older children is by no means easier…..

With a pre-teen at home, I have a social circle of mothers who have children also going through the same stage.

(A friend shared her concern that her 13-year-old boy has become reserved and quiet but surprisingly become chatty when with friends. Some other parents  are bothered that their children have become challenging to speak to and often challenge, talk back or even prefer that their parents do not probe too much.)

Myself? My pre-teen is often challenging me with “Why cannot?”, “My friends are doing this and that and I do not see why I can’t”, “BUT…xxxyyy”.

Do I see a similarity in pre-teens or teens? Yes. Of course. Eg. getting impatient or even adopting “care less attitude” at the slightest advices or taking ages to follow-up with parental instructions or preferring to spend hours on FB communicating with friends.  To be honest, I fret when our boy started to argue.  Had heart-to-heart talk with our boy. When whatever reasonings I give does not seem to penetrate into that defensive wall, I learn that it could be more effective to cool down and then revisit the topic a day or two later.  It is by no means easy for parents as we have to master our tolerance and maintain our cool as our kids start to defy and talk back.

That day, Papa Ed was commenting that Brendan does not seem to share with him as much personal life information as he does with me. Our boy talks to his dad alot about movies, news update, general developments but hardly about his personal matters.

Despite the fact that our kids are challenging us more in conversations these days, I find it generally comforting that both boys still fill their mother in with their everyday happenings enthusiastically and share with me their unhappiness/happiness and problems encountered in their daily lives. 

At least, it makes me feel that a pair of  listening ears matters much to them and I would love to play this role for a long time to come. I am a strong believer that it is more genuine to communicate in person instead of via emails, smses, watsapp.

——-

As parents, communications with our children does not have to be mainly “instructions”, “reprimands” and “questions”.    Constantly communicate, be open and honest, be enthusiastic, listen and show empathy…..

Through my personal interactions with our boys, it occurs that these approaches might help when communicating with our growing up children:

Listen - listen to their thoughts, their opinions, show empathy and enthusiasm as appropriate (our children will find it welcoming that we respect their thoughts, share their joy instead of us putting our thoughts on them all the time).

Communicate regularly and don’t make it a habit to use “busy as an excuse to shut off communications - Do not shut our children up when they want to talk. A friend was sharing that day whether generally many parents would shoo their children off by reciprocating their children’s conversations with “I am busy, do not disturb”, “later”, “please do not ask so much”, “how old are you now? please talk like an adult.” Whatever busy schedules we have, it’s important to communicate within a family.

Do not discriminate talk-back - our growing up children often like to be respected that they have a mind of their own and as long as it is reasonable, parents do not have to always adopt the “I am right” and “How dare you” attitude. What is communication if it is not a two-way traffic? Frankly, it’s not unusual for me to encounter talk-backs which ended up as “argumentative debates” with Brendan. At least, we get to hear each other’s views and our boy needs to learn how to make decisions. To be honest, I get upset along the way but on second thought, I would be more concerned if he agrees to everything I say and hide that secret resentment.

Embrace any topic of conversations - when our children are enthusiastic to talk and regardless the topic of conversation, BE ALL EARS.  I try not to turn our boys down whenever they have the enthusiasm to fill me in with topics. Keep to our promise to listen later if we are really busy at that moment.

Open up our hearts - share casual conversations, jokes, feelings or even make efforts to talk about topics that our children enjoy.

Trust - Be consistent in what we say and maintain privacy if that’s what our children want.

I am not endowed with a natural flair to communicate effectively with every age group but just like our kids, I am learning all the time to adjust to our kids- to be a better listener, to be more accepting when our kids start speaking with a mind of their own, not to be offended when our kids argue with the most nonsensical theories and to take deep breath when our kids turn deaf ears to our advices.  I have my fair share of disappointments when our boys misinterpret our advices as unreasonable and challenge us with hurting words. 

It’s not easy but I guess I am starting right by - FIILTERING the unpleasant words, putting down that EGO and being more ATTENTIVE each day at a time.

I am not a follower of Dalai Lama but came upon these golden words of his on a poster. When the words are meaningful and inspirational, I guess it is worth sharing regardless of language or religion.

 These A-Z golden rules of life do make alot of sense, don’t they?

A. Avoid negative sources, people, places, and habits.
B. Believe in yourself.
C. Consider things from every angle.
D. Don’t give up and don’t give in.
E. Everything you’re looking lies behind the mask you wear.
F. Family and friends are hidden treasures, seek them and enjoy their riches.
G. Give more than you planned to.
H. Hang on to your dreams.
I. If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.
J. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
K. Keep trying no matter how hard it seems.
L. Love yourself.
M. Make it happen.
N. Never lie, steal, or cheat.
O. Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.
P. Practice makes perfect.
Q. Quality not quantity in anything you do.
R. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
S. Stop procrastinating.
T. Take control of your own destiny.
U. Understand youself in order to better understand others,
V. Visualize it.
W. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.
X. Xcellence in all your efforts.
Y. You are unique, nothing can replace you.
Z. Zero in on your target and go for it.

— Live one day at a time and make it a masterpiecece —

Tried “Lou Hei” with kids? Ha! Bound to have fun:)

During “Lou Hei”, the usual practice is to toss the ingredients of the yusheng high up and say out as many auspicious words as we can. It’s like testing our wealth of Chinese auspicious words.

For our Singaporean kids, they tend to have limited Chinese vocabularies for auspicious or greeting words in their mental dictionaries and in the midst, it’s usually fun to hear them …..

Echoing after our auspicious words or broken segments of what we have said

OR

Saying out in the fashionable way…..that is in English.

For Darren, it’s ”Happy! Lucky! Healthy!” and then replay “Happy! Healthy! Lucky!” errr..sometimes with an extra “Good results” and replay again…

For Bren, at least he learns more auspicous phrases as years go by.

I remember those years when we were taught to greet our elderly with auspicious phrases during Lunar New Year. These days, all I hear is “Happy New Year”. If we adults do not impart the phrases to our kids, can’t really blame them for not knowing them.

Well, I guess it doesn’t matter what languages are used in “LOU HEI” as long as they are auspicious or lucky and kids have fun being part of the “LOU HEI”:)

So, do you have fun tossing that “LOU HEI” with your young ones?

What makes Lunar New Year exciting for kids?

FEASTING? YES! Definitely the snacking!

Bren’s favourite steamboat/hotpot and delicacies

VISITING? Not exactly but definitely if the place offers play and fun:) A good time to get-together with their uncle, great uncles, cousins, grandparents, great grand parents.

Our boys have favourite houses to visit where they have fun exploring and playing

CHEERFUL atmosphere? YES! With holidays ringing at the sight of these decorations.

Red decorations are always a must in our home every Lunar New year season

Strangely, our kids are never overly excited over collection of ang pows. Probably because we bank in the money as their savings and they never get to spend it.

Wishing all Chinese a Happy Lunar New Year…

filled with abundance of joy, good health, good luck and prosperity:)

How could Lunar New Year preparation be complete?

Without a trip to….

Chinatown of course.

And… 

 the nursery.

Got our desired plants, goodies and deco. For us, it is mission accomplished:) Finally almost completed our springcleaning after a week.

While we keep ourselves even busier next few days, gathering with our families, relatives and friends….Let us wish all our readers and friends :

A Happy and Prosperous Lunar New Year

Welcome our auspicious Dragon buddy!

Last year, we made hong bao fish. This year, for a change, I specifically made a few hong bao GOLDFISH as Chinese New Year deco. They are ideal auspicious gifts too:)

I love giving each of my goldfish a different “feel” with colourful tails. They certainly brighten up the house…and our cars too:)

If you are interested to also handcraft a hong bao goldfish, check out this link for step by step tutorial.

Hope you have as much joy crafting as me:)

Hey! With Chinese New Year round the corner and if you are interested to handmake your own lucky Hong Bao (red packet) fish, do check out this link post Hong Bao Fish that we have done a year ago:)

Teach the kids how to be involved in the stapling and folding and I am sure they will have pride admiring their hand-crafted fish during the festive season.