Archive for the ‘Mom: Personal Column/Reviews’ Category

After becoming a mom….

Haiz…then, I realised:

- how one would feel for her repeated reminders to be ignored and yet being regarded as nagging.

- why one would nag for having to clear up the mess that others repeatedly create at home.

[Yeah, I have my fair share of  "being turned deaf ears" in my little family.]

Imagine, we used to live in a world of our own.

When we started our family of 2 lovebirds, there have been …and still are…. adjustments and adaptations to make “living under one roof”.

Then, when we proceeded to a family of 4 members, there have been…and still are…much more adjustments and much ORDER to maintain at home.

See why we need to maintain ORDER at home amidst these: 

[Hello mothers, do these scenes seem familiar to you?]

- The house messed up again, shortly after you have just tidied it

- Rice, noodles and bread crumbs spread all over the floor and yet the young culprit does not even bother to pick it up

- Your personal items are often missing for no reasons and one day it will make a sudden appearance

- The busy people at home are too forgetful to keep the door closed in an air-conditioned room or even the door of the wardrobe closed but never fail to deny it is them

- The lights and fans are so often not turned off when not in use

- Kids sprawling on the floor to do their homework when they been reminded thousands of times to use their proper tables

See what I mean in this candid shot…

So, you know what I mean when the habits or scenes that you dread keep re-surfacing.

Yeah, there are differences in lifestyles and habits of family members living together.

As parents, we nag because we cannot understand why each of our family members cannot even show a little cooperation to keep the house neater or behave like how we wish them to be.

As spouse, we grumble because we cannot understand why our spouse cannot respect us in doing away with living habits that he/she obviously knows that we detest.

As people’s children, we cannot appreciate why our parents have to keep enforcing the need to maintain their preferred habits in our lives and what is the big deal when someone else can do it for us…..sigh a mentality that we have…until we become people’s parents.

If we insist our way, then there is never an end to the frustrations over the slightest incompatibility of living habits at home.

Perhaps, we should learn to close an eye and appreciate that a community is not made up of creatures of the same species..haha. 

Till that day comes, I am still learning to accept or take it easier over the living habits of members at home….NOW as a mother and wife.

I can’t complain because my life will never be so CHALLENGING without these GEMS in my life.

I can’t complain because I could never have felt the similar frustrations that my mother had until I become a mother.

As for you, do you have similar stories to share?

“Believe it can be done. When you believe something can be done, really believe, your mind will find the ways to do it. Believing a solution paves the way to solution.”
- By David Joseph Schwartz-

Our MIND is like a KEY to UNLOCK all our POTENTIAL and RESERVATIONS.

Of course, just believing is not sufficient.   Put in efforts and actions to do the Good and we shall see fruitful results one day.

Well, the mind really plays such an important role in controlling our course of actions and body.

It is so true.

If I had not BELIEVED that I could STRIVE to get out of those pitfalls in my life especially in the last decade, I will not be grateful for the abundance of joy I have today. 

Hmm..I have to learn to BELIEVE in myself to garner more strength.  I am tired.

[He ended up extracting a wrong and perfectly good tooth! You may wish to read that earlier post by clicking here

 We have started to appreciate how important it is to find the right dentist for a child- one who has the patience and right attitude with children, adopt consultative approach with parents and is approachable.

Since that incident, we are glad that we have finally found one that both our boys feel extremely comfortable with *smile*.

So, I thought it is a good new start since the children's impression on visits to dentist is formed since young.

"Comfortable" is key if we do not want our children to bring their phobia of dentist consultation till Adulthood especially when the regular dentist check-up is always necessary.

This is what I mean by having the comfort and feelings of the children at heart - teddy bear and sunglasses (courtesy of the dental clinic)

For our friends, who are still concerned about Darren after that scary incident in March, I am glad to share that he is now volunteering to visit his new regular dentist for cleaning of his teeth.

[Though his school has dental service, I prefer that he feels comfortable first].

However, his phobia of tooth extraction is still there and I believe it will take a long while for him to erase that memory of fear and pain.

Afterall, that last experience has been an extremely painful, traumatic and undeserving one. Definitely, not an acceptable and normal act by a dentist *sigh*.

Imagine living in a house that is filled with better air quality and beautified by the GREEN…it feels healthy and soothing *grin*.

All this while, we have been keeping a number of plants at home.  Some have grown quite big and tall and they have taken up space.

A visit to Hort Park, Singapore, gives us ideas on ways to maintain a varieties of indoor plants at home and YET saving space and keeping the space neat and attractive.

Take a look at some of these miniature plants and other plants landscaped as wall features -  displayed at the Hort Park.

If you are thinking of keeping plants but constrained by space, these ideas might suit your needs. And yes, they serve as good gifts too if the receipient is a plant lover:)

A frame of different plant types mounted on the wall …..

A centre piece of wall mounted plants…

A wall-mounted tank of fish and water plants…

This is a frame filled with a special design of red, green and yellow beans….

A dining table landscaped with plants…

Different plants within a vase…

I used to attempt different plant arrangements in a pot or tray, especially with cactus. So this miniature display is not new to us…

These plants add life and colours to the otherwise boring mirror cum cane partition….

These leaves have been stained, laminated and made into bookmarks….

An otherwise dull coasters, now with leaves…

If you have children at home, teach them to start by keeping small plants and get them to be responsible in taking care of them.

Let them be creative and they can possibly design interesting plant arrangement.

While keeping pots of plants, do not forget to clear stagnant water to prevent mosquito breeding.

If only Maintaining A Happy Marriage is as easy as ABC.

13 years into marriage……

I deeply appreciate that it needs the cooperation, respect and efforts of BOTH PERSON to sustain a happy marriage.

Marriage, too, needs Nurturing.

I have these ABCs of Marriage to share . Really meaningful…..

[Source: marriage.about.com]

A - Abandon Selfishness and Be Open to Change

B - Bestow Praise on One Another

C - Call Home if Running Late

D - Dream Dreams Together

E - Enjoy Learning New Discoveries About One Another

F - Flowers Say Much

G - Grins Can Be Life Giving in Your Marriage

H - Hands are for Holding

I - Invest Your Time, Talent and Treasure on Your Marriage Relationship

J - Journey Together and Share Expectations

K - Know How to Have Fun Together

L - Love is a Decision

M - Make Time for Being Alone Together

N - Negativity is Death Dealing in Any Relationship

O - Obliterate Jumping to Conclusions

P - Plan for Passion

Q - Quit Quarrelling Constantly

R - Remember Special Days

S - Share Feelings on a Daily Basis

T - Take Lots of Pictures and Create Great Memories

U - Unity Creates Joy

V - Vacations are Not Luxuries - Make Time to Re-Create

W - Write Love Letters to One Another

X - Xmas is a Time for Building Traditions, Not for Creating Tension

Y - Yearn for a Great Marriage, Not Just a Good One, By Supporting One Another

Z - Zestfulness Breeds Excitement

If you also have some useful Marriage Guides to share with us and our readers, we welcome your comments *smile*.

I have noticed since some time ago - that our guys at home can never tolerate idling time.

[Hmm...perhaps it is parental influence cos we cannot stand a moment waiting restlessly. Or ...perhaps it is the destiny of us living in a fast-paced society when time waits for no man.]

For instance, these are what our guys are always engaged in when we are waiting for food to be served for everyone.

Without fail.

Playing games with their Nintendo DS game sets or hooked to their handphone games/sms/web-surfing …..

[Chatting is reserved for car rides and home hours. Common excuse is : it is too noisy to chat in a restaurant or diners at the next table can overhear.]

 Arghhh….

Try communicating and the responses will probably be “uninterestingly short” or “slow”.

Try removing their game sets, and I will have two boys demanding for our handphones or messing with my camera.

Or otherwise, we will have one guy “sleeping” somehow even before food is served *haha*.

[I prefer my mom's generations cos while waiting for food, she interacts, observes people around her and shares tales *grin*. Compared to older days, generally, it is amazing how these gadgets have gradually become much more "attractive" than humans.]

So, this is the marked similarity of our guys at home, regardless of age, interests and level of waiting patience.

Hee…

Actually, I am not much better cos I have the tendency to snap with my phone or camera especially when our guys have forgotten my presence *hee*.

Fact established: The high dependance of mankind on technology, each day in our lives.

 Then,

what is your story when you have idle time?

Heavy reliance on IT and electronic gadgets - are you also facing this in your family?

After the unfortunate injury of Brendan, a friend commented “It is so usual for kids to fall and injure themselves. When I was young, my mom would scold me instead when I fell. Kids, nowadays, are pampered because parents get so worried.”

This statement gives me some sentiments…..

True, it is usual for kids to fall.

I agree, it is part and parcel of growing up. Through falling, kids learn to pick themselves up and in a way become tougher.

[I scalded my stomach and injured my eyes too when I was young and the side effect of that eye  injury has since become permanent.  Similarly, Papa Ed had to undergo stitching on his face - one beside the lip and the other on his forehead too.]

So, it is not unusual for kids to injure themselves either after being too playful, careless or injured by other young ones. However, there is different severity to falling or other injuries. Certainly not good if our kids require stitching or suffer head injury or leg/hand injury which might affect their mobility even for a while. The risk is there and that’s why we always remind our kids to be careful.

Parents show concern for their kids in different ways.

Some motivate their kids to be strong when accidents happen, caution their kids the danger of certain actions and show concern outrightly.

Some might scold their kids for being playful or carelessly hurting themselves but still feeling very concerned within them.  

Others might not utter a word but care in other way like staying by their kids’ side, taking time to nurse them etc.

I happen to be the first type of parent who tends to show concern outrightly.  In fact, although I show my outright concern for my sons when they are hurt, it does not mean that I am pampering them. Oh dear, when a kid is bleeding badly, how can it be said that we are pampering him?

[We have through this incident share with Brendan too the spirits of being brave and strong and to help him build up his level of tolerance and confidence.]

I believe that it is not necessary that we model after our parents’ approach.

Seriously, it is only after I become a MOTHER that I start to appreciate that whatever the approach of my parents, they CARE ALOT for me.

It is only after becoming a MOTHER that I start to feel how a parent would ever feel so concerned and heartache for a child - especially her own child.

No matter how our parents react to situations when we are young, ultimately they are concerned.

The feelings and bond for our kids are so deep that only parents can understand and not for others to comment. Parents, do you agree with me?

—–

By the way, Brendan is recovering well except that he has also developed diarrhoea possibly due to allergy to the antibiotics. His wound on the lip will take 2 weeks to heal. He is walking well too *grin*

Not feeling so well he may be but he is really feeling HAPPY *wider grin*

The Get-Well card from his teachers and classmates have made him really cheeful.

I would really like to thank his 2 teachers who have been calling everyday to ask about his conditions and friends who dropped those beautiful words to make him laugh.

It is you who make everyday such a sunny day for Brendan and the reason for him to love school. THANK YOU *smile*

Finally, THANK YOU to our readers cum friends AND friends who understand our feelings and drop us those warm encouragements.

And to my mom and dad too who have been cooking porridge for Brendan everyday.

Really appreciate *smile*

This is a pot of Desert Rose (”Fu Gui Hua” in Chinese) that I have kept for years. Some people buy them during Chinese New Year. Others keep them all year long.

I love this flowering plant for its “strong will, toughness and beauty”. Mine blooms red flowers but others produce pink flowers too.

Give it plenty of sunlight and it will survive in hard conditions and with little water and minimal care.   

Like any other plants, it withers. I have seen it shed its leaves till it becomes almost leafless. At that moment, it does not look attractive or the way I have wished it to be.

However, give it a little patience, then new leaves will form. Give it a little more patience, then it will fill you with joy with its clusters of bright flowers.

It never disappoints me.

I am glad that I have never given up on this plant. Mine is blooming now with many beautiful and cheerie flowers. It is such an enjoyable sight.

Look at these beautiful blooms:)

Yes. This might just be a plant. However, it relates to life, doesn’t it?

“By being patient - our efforts will bear fruit.

By not judging someone’s appearance or one-off behaviour - we learn to value that someone’s beauty one day.

By providing the right elements in life - we  appreciate that different individuals excel and be inspired under different conditions.

By not giving up on others easily - we live with no regrets one day.”

- Parentimes-

Learn not to GIVE UP EASILY on someone else - especially our loved ones. The “bloom” might be a pleasant surprise.

As for me, I am glad that I have not given up. I took the risk and I believe in a second chance, especially for my loved ones.  I made my choice and at least, I try.

Ask this question: “Have we given up or pass final judgement on someone else too easily?” <ponder>

Some songs have those special impacts on our lives. 

Songs have been a good companion when I am driving and strangely when I need intense concentration at work and that extra “coolant” to my sometimes moody and angry soul.

Coincidentally, my relationship with Papa Ed linked back to songs and music. In fact, the first piece of gift that he presented to me was a music cassette:)

Personally, my relationship with songs and music tends to grow deeper when I am moody. Those lyrics and tune can work wonders on our feelings especially when we can relate to them. 

So, I am a follower of “meaningful lyrics”.

 ——-

This is 1 song that accompanied me during those lonely and unpleasant moments when I needed extra motivations.  In life, we have our different episodes of loss and gain.

This song still accompanies me and makes me appreciate that my closest ones are “there for me”. 

Today, I am  truly thankful for the loved ones who continue to walk my life with me. We have to learn never to take any of our loved ones for granted.

 [This song from the movie "Pearl Harbour" is also one of the songs that Ed and I like in common. We love the movie too.]

 ”Pearl Harbour - There You’ll Be”

(lyrics)

When I think back
On these times
And the dreams
We left behind
I’ll be glad ’cause
I was blessed to get
To have you in my life
When I look back
On these days
I’ll look and see your face
You were right there for me

[Chorus:]
In my dreams
I’ll always see you soar
Above the sky
In my heart
There will always be a place
For you for all my life
I’ll keep a part
Of you with me
And everywhere I am
There you’ll be
And everywhere I am
There you’ll be

Well you showed me
How it feels
To feel the sky
Within my reach
And I always
Will remember all
The strength you
Gave to me
Your love made me
Make it through
Oh, I owe so much to you
You were right there for me

[Repeat chorus]

‘Cause I always saw in you
My light, my strength
And I want to thank you
Now for all the ways
You were right there for me
You were right there for me
For always

[Chorus:]
In my dreams
I’ll always see you soar
Above the sky
In my heart
There will always be a place
For you for all my life
I’ll keep a part
Of you with me
And everywhere I am
There you’ll be
And everywhere I am
There you’ll be
There you’ll be

“Mothers hold their children’s hands a while

and

Their hearts forever.”

This is hanging on my wall everyday. An added motivation for MOTHERS.

So true.

Time slips past so quickly.

I feel so blessed to be able to still hold on to those two pair of small little hands.

I feel so heartwarming to be able to hug them tightly to my chest.

Those goodnight greetings and kisses are routines that I should always remember to treasure.

The boys and their Papa bought this for me recently. I wish Brendan and Darren will always hold me so dearly in their hearts.

One day.

Even when these joy slip past my life.

I will aspire to be the MOTHER who will still hold a deep place in my children’s hearts. 

I strongly believe that it is important to build the foundation of the trust and respect that our children have for us since they are young.

Besides mothers, this should hold true for fathers too.

How many of our young children have started to learn the spirits of helping others in need?  Do they know that there are many other children out there who do not even have the opportunity to go through education and neither do they have enough pocket money to sustain them during their educations? Others do not even have proper roofs over their heads or enough meals.

There are many ways to help the less fortunate children besides money donation. For instance, our children can help the less fortunate by helping them in their studies and donating their books.

If you would like to help the less fortunate, here’s a chance!

Have you heard of the Straits Time School Pocket Money Fund?  The Fund was initiated on 1 October 2000.  It is used to help the needy children provide for their education and pocket money. In 2010, the target is to help 12,400 children by collecting S$5m.

 Keen to help these needy children? Simply purchase these coin-banks at selected NTUC Fairprice supermarkets

Keen to donate bigger amount as part of the Straits Time Pocket Money Fund? One way is donate the money that you have deposited in this coin-bank at OCBC Sunday Banking branch on any Sundays from September to October 2010.  Alternatively, you may also read more from this site  and contribute online. 

From the perspective of a parent, this donation drive is really useful.

- It helps our children appreciate how fortunate they are.

- It teaches them to save for a greater cause - that is to help others.

Brendan and Darren had purchased the coin-bank which cost $5 each.  I am sure each of our little contributions will go a long way to help these less fortunate children.