Letting Go Takes Love
Me: “Why are you not taking your own bath? By the way, why are you being fed?”
Darren:”Because grandma says I will be cleaner if she helps me bathe. She also says I will eat faster if she feeds me.”
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Me:”Why are you not putting on your underwear?”
Darren:”Because grandma says since I am going to wear it when I go to school, I don’t need to wear it now.”
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My Mom:”I heard that you have been allowing the boys to go to the public toilet by themselves.”
Me: “Yes. They have each other’s company.”
My Mom:”It’s better that you do not let them go to the public toilet on their own, in case of kidnapping.”
Me:”How then do I enter the Gents with them since I am a lady?”
My Mom:”Just keep watch over them and don’t let them out of your sight.”
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I agree. We, similarly, love our children or grandchildren. However, we show our love in different ways. There is bound to be different upbringing approaches when our kids are taken care by different people.
If I were to say that our kids are like KITES….sometimes just when I am releasing the kite a little higher into the sky, I feel a second pair of hands pulling back the string. This forms a resistance to allow our kids to venture out and be independant. When we have a second set of control for our kids, it can be frustrating.
I wonder how many of you feel the same way?
As an only child, when I was given the permit to be independant, it was with much reluctance and resistance from my mom. It was a mom’s love to show that it is hard to let go. I recalled how my mom would volunteer to watch over my school break meals and even to accompany me to secondary school until she was comfortable that I had a good friend who was my travel companion. I guess a mom’s concern for her child never stops and even when I am a mother with two kids now, mom still maintains the habit to advise, ensuring that I keep our boys out of all potential danger.
So. Is it fear of loss, fear of being powerless or fear of risks : which causes reluctance for parents to let go of their kids? Touching on this, here’s a meaningful poem for parents to ponder over.
To let go does not mean to stop caring, it means I can’t do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off, it’s the realization I can’t control another.
To let go is not to enable, but allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another, it’s to make the most of myself.
To let go is not to care for, but to care about.
To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their destinies.
To let go is not to be protective, it’s to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny, but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.
To let go is not to criticize or regulate anybody, but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.
To let go is to fear less and love more and
To let go and to let God, is to find peace !Author: Unknown
guess I have the same experience as u..my mum was with me before.
I experienced the same thing. My in law told me not to let the kids eat by themselves. She also told me not to let my 2 year old wear shorts herself. Here we are trying to get them be independent, they simply doing the opposite
Hi Wenn,
I guess many people have the same experiences when it comes to double standard way when a few adults are taking care of the kids.
Hi Sharon,
I can understand your feelings. We know our elderly, who loves our children dearly, has good intents. It’s just that they harbour fear of our children getting harmed and doesn’t understand that children today are different from that of yesterdays and restriction stifles their developments.
I, too, have difficulties convincing my elderly too because it often invites sensitivity. What I can do is putting aside full-time for my kids now and ensure a consistent set of parenting approach. Sometimes, I feel my younger one adores grandma cos grandma tends to do everything for him..and covers up his mistakes from mommy.
It’s true that our elderly too has been most helpful to come to our rescue especially when we work and feel most secure when kids are in their safe hands.