I believe I have broken personal record of not blogging for almost a month. Where has time gone?  Busy or simply weighing new priorities in life?

Stranded between going back to work or not dilemma, I am still on the “wait and see” mode.  

So, I asked myself why I need to get back to workforce?

When both boys were at home in the past, I used to complain that they were noisy and squabbling. Now, that our elder secondary school boy spends almost 10 hours a day in school, that terrible lonely feelings of an empty house overwhelms me after our younger one goes to school at noon.  I agree. Our kids grow and once they become independant and packed with their activities, it becomes impossible to hold them by our side. Treasure their company while we can.

Then friends were cautioning me “Hey! Your employment value will depreciate if you stay home for too long”, “Aren’t you putting your degree to waste?  You have younger and foreign competitors now and it’ll be too late if you delay further”, “Don’t you miss those days when you could self support financially or help relieve your hubby’s burden? It’s always safer in case your spouse lose his career too”, “Come back again. You have been a good boss”, “Oh! if you are still working, you would have been getting bonuses like us.”

Seriously, I do not meet the mark of housewives who gather together and gossip about family members, neighbours or “tai tai” who spend hours at beauty saloons, shopping or having afternoon teas. HAHA! Friends joke that I am not exploiting my freedom now to pamper myself when I could have. 

So, when those lonesome hours sweep over me, these persuasive words and temptations have its powers to push me from my comfort zone now and chase after that career ladder again.

Photo taken during the Sentosa Flower Festival in Jan 2012 and am so thankful for the strong relationships I continue to maintain with our boys. These precious moments to hold them close by our side will soon sweep pass and I don’t want to miss it.

Then, I have my doubts.

In contrary, my daily life now is packed with even more activities and things I wish to accomplish.

I am committed to living a healthier lifestyle now with regular exercising, and learning skills that I have not been able to pick up before in school or work life, and being able to move around and discover a whole new world.  These days, I value my freedom in the afternoons, abandoning my car and hopping onto a MRT - moving around, window shopping, reading, exercising, joining friends for lunch, attending courses, AND staying in the comfort of home - working on e-business and  experimenting the making of new dishes, desserts and yogurt.

I am thankful for those rewarding efforts of getting to know our boys better, growing with them, and witnessing the light up on their faces when they come home in the evenings to enjoy home prepared yogurts and desserts.

Despite our other sacrifices, I am happy to be able to give hubby an ease of mind to concentrate on his career knowing that the domestic affair is well-taken care of.

I am enjoying the flexibility to drop by the pools at my own time to watch our boys progress in their swimming lessons, join them in regular exercises, be available for them anytime when they need my support and catch up with friends or activities that I have shelved for so long.

Though I miss those days when I have no lack of people to mingle with at work every single hour and at home when our boys were in two different school sessions, I have also discovered the beauty of quiet afternoons for myself now — with no disturbances and having full concentration to indulge in my own activities. I really appreciate these ME and My fulfilling and self-enriching MOMENTS that I could only afford now finally after putting my career to a halt. As a result, a refreshing mind, a keen attitude to stay healthy, and a stronger relationship with the family.

Back to the question : Should I get back to work? Papa Ed replied :”If you go back to work, what’s happening to our kids? But then its’ really up to you because going back to work could mean saving for kids’ future too.” (I guess he has silently appreciate the greater opportunity for me to work on the character building or curriculum progress of our boys when I am home . BTW, I would really like to thank the supportive hubby for working extremely harder without a word of complaint so far and making it possible for me to stay home and be with our boys.)

I wish it’s as easy as throwing a coin to decide -  family vs career - again.

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