A Wish Under The Shooting Star
Brendan: “Mommy, Look! There is a thing that just flashed past!”
Mommy:”What?” <We were seated in the car in an open carpark at night>
Brendan:”I think it is a shooting star!” <His eyes were beaming with joy>.
Darren: “Where? Where?” <His head was looking up searching>.
Mommy:”Quick! Make a wish!”
Brendan: …………………………. <silence as he made his wish>.
Brendan: “Mommy, can I tell you my wish?”
Mommy:”Yes, of course.”
Brendan:”I wish that we will be forever happy and family together.”
I was surprised because I thought that he would have wished for the latest pokemon game, holidays or …… Papa Ed was usually working overseas during Brendan’s growing up years and his presence in the last few months must have brought much joy in the heart of my son, wishing for the family to stay together. So Brendan wishes for happiness…it is a broad term isn’t it?
Talking about happiness, what is true happiness to a kid? Less pressure from parents? More hugs and kisses? A complete and happy family?…………….?????
- Some parents think that they can bring happiness to their kids by providing them with everything they need. Toys, latest gadgets, holidays. However, these kids might not be truly happy.
- Some parents think that they can make their kids happy by helping them in everything, including their homework or school assignment. However, does this really help the kids?
- Some parents set little boundaries for their kids, leaving the kids to behave wilfully.
- Some parents give their children lots of pressure, believing that they can bring happiness by gearing their kids to achieve in life.
- Some parents give lots of encouragement to their kids and provide much motivations and enjoyment in the kids’ development process.
As parents, we all have our own methods of parenting. Have we ever reflected what really makes our kids happy? Or are we doing whatever we are making our kids do, just to make ourselves happy?
Moments to ponder……
So back to the topic of what makes my kids truly happy? Father to stay more often in Singapore? A hug and encouragement from mommy everynight?
Just a few hours ago, Brendan shared his part:
Brendan: “Mommy, you look happy today and you look good in your new haircut.” <Mommy beaming at Brendan’s praises. Who doesn’t like to be praised? LOL>
Then Brendan continued: “I am not happy.”
Mommy: “Why? What’s wrong?”
Brendan:”Because it is exam time.”
Mommy:”Why? You don’t like exams?”
Brendan: “Because everyday I have to study.”
Mommy:”Don’t I also allow you to relax and play games?”
Brendan:”Yes, but only a little.”
Mommy:”You mean you want to spend all your time playing games, then you are happy?”
Brendan:”No. Aiya, I just don’t like exams.”
Mommy:”You prepare early and so there should be no problem.”
Brendan:”Anyway, exam time is my most stressful time and I am just not happy.”
Mommy:”We have programs planned for you over the weekends to help you relax and so don’t think so much.”
Brendan:”I will be happy boy again when exams over.”
Mommy:”………” <Silence. ….How do I help my boy to feel happy at this time of exam preparation?>
I was happy to have this little conversation with my boy. Suddenly, it occured to me that perhaps, I should ask him less on how is his preparation and give him a little hug to motivate him. Mommy must be mindful ….So, I brought him to my side and gave him a little massage on his head and some words of motivations. I think it works:) *wink wink*
my children also hate exams..i don’t like to pressure them..
This is a moving post. And makes me ponder. I’ve been thinking about this topic recently too. Thanks for sharing. Brendan is such a sensible boy and his simple wish touches my heart.
Its the word ‘Exam’.
Its the culture (obvious and not).
Its the people, the peers, not just the parent…
Its the words, “Its Exam time, go study. Its Exam time, cannot do this. Its Exam time….”
When there is so much focus on the word itself, fear is generated.
I tell my ex-students and my nieces “Exam is just to know how smart you are. That’s all. Results is just an indication of how clever you are. So how much you want to show others depends on you. If you choose to shine out from the rest, then you know what you should do. If you don’t mind being at the bottom of the class, that’s fine too.” Its your choice.
I have two nieces in Primary school now. Both are extremes. One had nothing but study during these times, the other play like any other day, go shopping like any other day…. and their results are comparable, sometimes the latter is better….
When the child is willing, everything comes easy, happiness become natural.