Last week, Brendan was very elated to break the good news that he has achieved one of the top three position in class for his academic performance. For that, he will be presented a prize on stage.  For Brendan, he must be really relaxed that the exam fever is over and that his hardwork has paid off:)

So how does he manage to sustain good grades? I have people asking me. We do not have any secret strategy as I have shared in my earlier post.  I do admit that till today, he is still not independant in planning for his exam preparation - what to prepare, when to prepare and how to prepare for his exam. In this sense, papa and mommy still need to guide him and organise the schedule and topics for him.  Frankly, we are as involved as him in final revision when exam is round the corner. However, the credit should go back to Brendan because he has never given us much headache when we asked him to study regularly or work hard during exam.  In this aspect, I must thank God for giving me a sensible boy.

Perhaps, we could share some of our personal practices in coaching Brendan in his studies.  Our advice, though, is that parents’ approach in guiding our kids in their studies might differ, depending on the kids’ attitude and also learning abilities.  Just like these sets of practices, which work for Brendan, might not necessarily work for our little Darren because Darren does need some injections of FUN and ACTIVITIES to encourage studying.

1) Regular Revision

- revise regularly with your kids the topics that they have covered in school. This will avoid the last minute frustration for parents and kids to enable the kids to understand.

- brief your kids in advance the topic that they will be next taught in school. This will enable them to follow more easily during lessons.

- never leave exam preparation last minute as it will stress both parents and kids! Intensive overload of information could be very stressful and demanding for young kids.

When Brendan was in his first year of primary school, I was guilty of giving him intensive revisions even during the last phase of exam preparation. At the end, I guess it was too much for that little brain of his as he fell sick, probably due to stress as I overlooked that it was only his first attempt of exam and I had probably over stretched him *FROWN* <so I was one guilty and demanding mom then>.

2) Be Personally Involved

- take a look at your kids’ school assignments/homework to ascertain their level of understandings.

- attend Parent-Meet-Teacher sessions to better understand your kids’ progress in school.

- attend talks organised by school to keep abreast with any change in curriculum, exam marking system etc.

- ascertain your kids’ weak subjects to determine whether you could coach them personally or engage help from qualified tutors.

- guide your kids in their studies if you could so that you could better understand their standard and address their difficulties more appropriately.

For Brendan, we personally coach him in his studies and go through all his mistakes with him. I must admit that the teaching methodology and standard are somehow different from our early times and sometimes we might also encounter difficulties in explaining the contexts to him in the acceptable way. In subjects that we are weak in, we engage the help of qualified tuituon centres. For some children, “carelessness” is a serious occurence and constant reminders for them to check their work and answers do help.

3) Learning Beyond The School Textbooks/Show Them The Fun of Learning

- do not limit your kids’ learning or knowledge to only what is studied in class.

- encourage your kids to read enrichment books, encyclopedia, story books, acquire more learning information from internet.

- give the kids’ hands-on exercises, extracted from activity books or internet. eg. Science usually offers activities that can engage the kids in a fun way than “memorising the facts without understanding”.

-give the kids the opportunities to attempt examinable questions presented in different ways.

- allow your kids to attend field trips organised by school or parents could plan such trips for your kids which are often useful in presenting them with “learning by discovery”.

4) Do not Give Ready Answers

- avoid offering ready answers for your kids but encourage them to attempt answering and it does not matter even if  the answers are wrong. They will think and understand better through thinking and exploring.

- if answers are wrong, after your kids have given them some thoughts, explain the answers to them and not leave them to live with the wrong answers.

Usually for subjects like Science (being one of my worst subject when I was young), I am perfectly alright for Brendan to refer to the answers at the back of the assessment book because he gets to learn.

5) Helping to Relax

- allow your kids to have some “breathing space” by letting them engage in their favourite activities moderately or doing some execises amidst their exam preparation.

- ensure that your kids have ample sleep and healthy diet

- gives motivation and encouragement

I have shared in my earlier post that Brendan could actually take a breather by eg. playing his electronic game or even join us outdoor to relax during the exam preparation. I could sense when he is feeling stressful and helping him to relax is more effective than “grilling his head unreasonably”.

6) Do not Set Demanding Expectations

- ascertain your kids’ performance and learning abilities and set reasonable expectations

- do not be stingy with praises and encouragement even if the improvement is moderate

For subjects like Math, being Brendan’s strongest subject, naturally we tend to have higher expectations for him. However, even if he might not score as well in this subject as previous exam, we would understand the reason by peeping into his marked exam paper. Depending on situations, sometimes, when we know that Brendan is weaker in certain subject because of lack of interests and not because he has problem following, we might set higher standard in that area to help him in achieving.

7) Avoiding Abusive Words/Actions

I am aware of some parents, who allow their kids only to eat, sleep and go for toilet break during exam preparation.  Others keep nagging at their kids and how do they expect the kids to concentrate then? Some spanked their kids while they do not understand what was being taught.  Some start hurling abusive words like “why are you so stupid?” and “why you cannot perform as well as your sister?”. These are harsh words which might hurt the kids, causing negative feeling. Do not give up on your kids even if they refuse to study or show slowness in learning.

Well, Papa Ed and I are guilty sometimes to say regretful words to Darren like “Why you cannot be like your brother” or “letting our impatience overule our heads” especially when we cannot get Darren to sit down and concentrate. It will be effective for us to constantly mince our words and control our emotions expecially when it is inevitable that we tend to vent our anger on our kids more easily. Alternatively, we must be receptive when our spouse reminds us to observe our emotions as we teach our kids.

8) Sharing the Right Messages

No matter how good our kids perform, we must constantly teach them not to be complacent and proud over their good results. I always empahsize to Brendan that excelling in academic performance is not the only thing that he should work hard for in life. Character building is essential.  My role as  a parent is not fulfilled by getting complacent over his academic performance but also how I guide him with the correct set of values in life. It is often important to let our kids know that learning is not only for exam but also for self-development.

Lately, my mom shared with me the story of a relative whose daughter has failed in one of the subjects and the mom was so agitated that she broke into tears. She felt that she has failed to be a good mom because the daughter has not performed well academically. My message to this dear relative is not to despair because all kids have different learning approaches. Observe the kid for her learning aptitude. I understand that as a parent, our emotions can get really strong especially when we love our kids so much and want them to excel in life. But remember….excelling is not only academically but also in overall development of the kid.  A smart kid might not have displayed good character and vice-versa.  Do you agree?

I hope my personal sharing corner here does help our parent readers, seeking for some answers……Do read my related post on 15 May 09.

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