Life’s Reflections (2) - Life Isn’t Always Easy

 

 

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Many people look at me with admiration to be blessed with two boys, a good career, a fulfilling life, and the “apple of my parents’ eyes” (being the only daughter). I seldom talk about any unhappy past or happenings because if we keep dwelling onto the unpleasant past, we will never be happy or be able to move on. Close friends will know that I have my darkest moments in life and I am happy that I have survived those struggles <Trying to move on is what keeps me going>.  I believe everyone of us has her/his tough moments in life and it is just the extent and our abilities to victory any life struggle. I always remind myself that the ordeals in life are to train us into a stronger person and if we live in the bitterness of the unpleasant moments, we will never be able to live our next phase of life happily or positively

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When I was younger…..

Being an only child, unlike what others think, I was never a spoilt kid or showered with whatever I wish for.  There was no big house, no new clothes, no siblings to share my teenage gossips with, not much toys, no holiday vacations, and no special educational programs for me.  I remember taking taxi was really a luxury for us then and most of the time, we reached our nearby destination through walking. That kept us fit and there was no need to travel far since “shopping” was never an affordable activity for my mom then. No, I am not complaining. A simple life then made me appreciate every piece of new clothes that my mom bought for me during special festivals, every cousin that I spent my playing time with, every opportunity to learn on my own, the not so quiet life now with my two sons, and the bigger house that I truly own now. In fact, I appreciate the simple life that I started with, which helps me appreciate that there is no need to indulge in a luxurious life in order to be happy. My younger days also let me see the painful constraints of a wife (my mom) who has to fully depend on her husband financially and on everything  else. I was determined to make a difference and be an independant wife and mom.

When I was younger at 12 years old.....

When I was younger at 12 years old.....

Being an only child, unlike what others think, I do not have everything’s planned or done for me. I started with household chores when I was young <not that my mom forced me to but because being close to my mom, I wanted to help her>. The only place that I was banned was the use of stove (because it was deemed as a dangerous task and because my dad was a fantastic cook and my mom was never really required to cook) and this explains why I never like the kitchen even till today *sigh*.  My parents were not able to provide answers to many questions that I have in life or discuss with me homeworks or school issues.  Since young, I was exposed to learning and exploring for solutions independantly, within a certain level of constraints though because being an only child, my mom was highly protective of me venturing too far and mixing with wrong companies.  I learn the hard way that there are no ready answers and I learn more when I pursue the answers on my own and I was exposed to making decisions (on choice of schools, on school activities etc.) at a young age. I believe I am a self-inspired person. My parents have never set difficult expectations on me and perhaps that makes my development less pressuring and more enjoyable. I recalled when I completed my A’ levels, my dad was actually contemplating whether I should pursue my university education because of the cost. I guess to many other dads, they would be elated to get their daughter into a university. I made my choice to go ahead anyway and money was not an issue because after my graduation, we paid back the study loans.  At that point, I learned that I have to work hard and I was committed to giving private tuitions while studying and working during the school holidays.  It would be a lie of I say that I do not envy others but I also realised that comparisons would not bring me any achievement because I was happy as it was.

When I was younger, in my college days...life was simple but happy...

When I was younger, in my college days...life was simple but happy...

Being an only child, the toughest is when mishap happened at home and there is no other sibling to turn to. My dad’s industrial accident left him unable to walk for years, hospitalised for months and fortunately with a job after graduation, I was able to support the family.  It was tough considering that I was trying to save enough money for my wedding. That tough period again reinforced the values of kinship and money management. I remember struggling between work, housework and office work then and nothing was happier than seeing my dad on his feet again.

Looking at it positively, that period was a good trying period to get me ready to take care of my bigger family and my process into motherhood. Just when I had overcome this obstacle, I went through a period of health obstacles …. I am glad that I survived it. That was when Papa Ed’s genuine sincerity and support touched me and I was determined to go through thick and thins of life with him, whatever came…….

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When I became a wife and mother……

I think many will agree that leading a married life is never easy (especially with lifestyle, mindset and character differences) and life usually changes with the arrival of our kids.  Couples must be prepared to go through thick and thins of life together, reduce the tendency of putting blames on each other, and never take each other for granted. Putting an effort to build a sustainable marriage is critical and both must have faith. Sometimes, having kids, makes the couples inevitably neglect each other too. Personally, I have my fair share of helplessness, very difficult moments, and loneliness when I have to strive alone with my boys, with hubby taking a long term overseas job. My pregnancy processes were not smooth and there were moments that I felt like giving up. My kids have been a strong motivation in life to keep me going stronger. Despite these, I never fail to be thankful that we have overcome much difficulties and enter into the 12th year of our marriage.

Boy Proposing Pictures, Images and Photos

When you are deemed to be competent as a mom or also at work, usually, a husband will feel at ease to leave the family under your management and the arrangement will be hard to reverse after that *frown*.  Each time, when you reach a certain threshold, you feel exhausted and overwhelmed, but the decision to download abit of the responsibilities might be deemed as irresponsible. It is the same usual question that “if you could manage previously, then why can’t you manage now?”   So, it is such a dilemma and tough to be a perfect wife and mom. I am no super mom like some of my friends claimed that I am and it has never been easy to handle two demanding kids alone especially when I hold a job.   All those years when I was alone parenting has been so tough but it creates a stronger woman in me now and a stronger bond between me and the boys. I am glad that Papa Ed is now spending more time in Singapore  and it is great to have two people leading a family life together *phew*

My two boys - The chief motivations of my life

My two boys - The chief motivations of my life

When you rely on your parents to take care of your kids, there is bound to be rules to obey. Mainly, there must be respects over their style of upbringing. If our parents are adverse to change and modern technologies or being over-protective, then there will be conflicts. My mom always tells me that “the amount of salt that she eats is more than the rice that I have consumed” (meaning she is more experienced than me) and it can be imagined that it is tough for us to see eye-to-eye on parenting approach *haiz*.  At the end, I appreciate that whatever approaches we adopt, it is that we shower our love in a different way. When you rely on babysitters, nannies or domestic helpers to take care of the kids, then there are other set of problems…*haiz*

There has been time when I asked myself whether I should just stop working and be a SAHM. Then I consider that probably I would load my kids with so much nagging (haha my personal experience with my mom), that they would probably beg me to go back to work *LOL*. Actually, the truth is I believe in enriching myself with a job, providing for my boys with the absolute necessary that I failed to have when I was young, leaving them the space to interact with others, and be independant.  Standard of living can be so high now whether or not we like it. I like the moments now when my boys will run to me and pour stories to me about what happened in their lives with others. Well, maybe one day, when I feel that I need to concentrate fully only on the family, I might consider and be a SAHM:)

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Although I am far from being a perfect mother, I would want my kids to pick up the positive learning and survival attitudes that I applied in life before and give to them the necessary that I failed to enjoy. I associate life as a trekking journey. The journey is never smooth sailing and it takes a lot of teamwork and understandings to travel as a coherent group.   You can stop and pause but have to move on no matter how tough it might be. Whether we want to look at the journey as a chore, an enjoyment or enrichment…. ultimately, whether we want to travel happily and positively, it is a choice for us to make. A quote by Father Alfred D’Souza -

Happiness is a journey, not a destination.
Dance as though no one is watching you.
Love as though you have never been hurt before.
Sing as though no one can hear you.
Live as though heaven is on earth
.”

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I like this inspirational quotation by Mary A.Rothman which keeps me going when life isn’t always easy.

Life Can Be Unfair At Times
When You Must Maintain Faith
And Never Let Go,,

It Is Especially During Difficult Times
That You Must Live Your Life
To Its Fullest Potential
Those Are The Times To Triumph
Over Circumstances
With Hopes And Courage

Life Isn’t Always Easy
But If You Keep Going And Persevere
To The Very Best Of Your Ability
You Will Gain Strength To Manage
The New Challenges Ahead

Each Goal That You Reach
Is An0ther Important Step Forward

Believe That There Are
Bright And Wonderful Days
Ahead For You And You Will Find Them

For those friends and loved ones who have been by my side, “Thank You” for walking my toughest parts of my Journey with me. I truly treasure my family and what I have now:)

Here is one of my favourite songs “Journey” by Corrinne May on Youtube.  Hmmm….what a feeling….

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