What A Strong Boy!
Little Darren had a fall in school today and ended up with rather bad abrasion and bruises on his knee caps. I brought him to doctor for wound cleansing and medication. I must say “Bravo Darren! Keep It Up!”. Throughout the treatment and after he fell, he did not even shed a tear. In fact, he even squeezed out some laughters (while his fingers are clenched) to keep mummy at ease. Teacher and doctor gave him compliments that he is a brave boy, as most children would be wailing away by then.
I remembered earlier incidents when Brendan, elder brother, had a tooth extraction at the dentist. Brendan was very tensed. I did not realise that I had made him feel more nervous, with my worried face and repeated reminders for him not to feel scared of pain. Did not notice until doctor cautioned me that by showing the worried face and re-emphasis of the words “scared” and “pain”, I am actually driving more fear into Brendan. That was again one lesson learned for a new mummy.
I believe parents, often in our anxiety and love for the children, might unconsciously display certain actions or expressions that end up not helping the children at all. In some situations, we hope to ease their pain but fail to use the right words. I have encountered parents who end up scolding their children as the children turned hysterical due to fear. Personally, I grow up in a family where my parents are not expressive with words and my mum’s way of encouragement is often trhough raising her voice. Not sure whether it is due to our Asian culture where we are not so comfortable of expressing our care and affection for each other.
The lesson I learned after Brendan’s incident is to always remain positive, look and sound encouraging in similar situations. I am mindful not to repeat the “Pain” word. Instead, I have learned to use encouraging statements like “You are a brave boy. Mummy is very proud of you” and “You can make it”.
