Let me share a little scenario……

A woman was at a clinic with her son and daughter.

The daughter…………….

The daughter was occupying two seats, ignoring other young and elderly patients’ needs to sit.  Throughout, the daughter (who looked in her early teens) was oblivious to other patients staring at her while she complained non-stop (in high volume) about having to wait for her turn and also throwing unreasonable tantrum on her brother who looked half her age.

She became the centre of attraction as she started to squat on the floor instead “counting down numbers” (while she impatiently waited for her turn) and then later decided to throw her tantrum on her mother instead.

[The daughter obviously was not concerned about anybody else "commenting" on her bad attitude or her selfish and disrespectful actions.]

The mother……………..

The mother was patiently listening to the daughter’s senseless complaints and also watching on as she engaged in her “Little Missy’s” acts. It made one wonder how she could tolerate the long session of her teenage daughter throwing tantrum on her.  Then, till a certain point (about an hour later), the mother finally raised her voice at her daughter.

[The mother's patience thinned as her daughter refused to stand up from her squatting position despite blocking other's way and as her endless compaints became noise pollution. ]

The father………………

The father, who has just stepped in a few minutes earlier, was fast to come to his daughter’s rescue. Instead of standing by the side of the wife, who has reached her maximum tolerance, he extended his arms to pat the daughter’s back and comforted her despite her nonsensical complaints. As a result, she had someone to back her up and so she continued with her attitude…

[In case, you are wondering, the daughter is not mentally ill. The father's reactions had overruled the wife's rights to finally start disciplining the "out of hands" daughter and given his daughter the concurrence to continue acting wilfully.]

THIS IS A REAL SCENE THAT I WITNESSED AT A CLINIC.

If you were the parents, what would you have done to effectively stop this girl who apparently seemed very hard to control?

As onlookers, I find the daughter’s behaviours totally unacceptable and the parents’ reactions - disappointing. 

However, as parents, have we been guilty of committing the same mistake too?  What is the message that we learn from this story? 

DO NOT:

- take side when one parent is discipling the kid.

- openly disagree with each other’s approach of disciplining or ending up in unhappiness instead.

- hesitate disciplining the kid (especially when the kid has gone extremely “out of hands”) in public for fear of humiliation or someone else taking side.

- ignore the fact that it is parents’ responsibilities to point out the right attitudes to the kid (eg. graciousness in giving up seats to others who need it more, the beauty of patience, basic courtesy).

- show inability to react in the right manner when faced with misbehaved kid in public.

- forget to establish clear boundary for ourselves (in this case, will be to what extent the parents allow the kid to be misbehaved and “ride on the parents’ heads”).

TO TAKE A CLOSER LOOK AT OURSELVES:

Kids with attitude problems can be a REAL HEADACHE for parents.

We are prone to judge others.

However, when faced with these situations, parents might fail to take a closer look at OURSELVES or our own reactions/solutions.   

At times, we might let our emotions  control our head OR surrender in exhaustion and helplessness OR simply not bothered about what others are perceiving us to be.

[As parents, you might agree that our image tends to get affected whether we "take actions" or not when our kids misbehave in public.

When parents scream our head off, others would say that we cannot even manage our emotions BUT when we keep quiet, others might think that we are parents who support the kid's misbehaviour.  So, it is never so easy not to be judged in either way *haiz*].

Instead of being critical on other’s actions, why don’t we reflect their actions on ourselves?  In this way, we will see clearer and ask ourselves whether we might be making the same mistakes too.  It is often EASIER to see other’s mistakes without reflecting the consequences when it happens on ourselves instead.

Then, how can we manage better and avoid the “DO NOTS” above when disciplining our kids?

[Would love your comments. ]

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