Allow Our Children To Face “Those Challenges”
Lately, I have been spending time reading. Mainly books on self-improvement which include parenting.
I came across these which provide useful “food for thoughts”.
[It is extracted from the book "Children Are From Heaven" by the author John Gray who authored "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus".]
Children cannot learn to be forgiving unless there is someone to forgive.
Children cannot develop patience or learn to delay gratification if everything comes their way when they want it.
Children cannot learn to accept their own imperfections if everyone around them is perfect.
Children cann0t learn to cooperate if everything always goes their way.
Children cannot learn to be creative if everything is done for them.
Children cannot learn compassion and respect unless they also feel pain and loss.
Children cannot learn courage and optimism unless they are faced with adversity.
Children cannot develop persistence and strength if everything is easy.
Children cannot learn to self-correct unless they experience difficulty, failure or mistakes.
Children cannot feel self-esteem or healthy pride unless they overcome obstacles to achieve something.
Children cannot develop self-sufficiency unless they experience exclusion or rejection.
Children cannot be self-directed unless they have opportunities to resist authority and/or not get what they want
- From the book “Children Are From Heaven” -
As parents, we thought we could express our deep love for our children by providing them ready solutions to life problems.
Many times, we hate to see our children fail or being rejected and there are other times when we scream at our children’s slightest mistakes.
As parents, we hesitate in disappointing our children and do our best in providing the best for them.
We are ever so eager to protect them from negative encounters in life.
We dread to see our children fall.
Yet in doing so, we might not realise that we are preventing them from the exposure to life challenges, from developing the skill to overcome life hurdles independantly, and from the true reality that life is never a bed of roses.
It is true.
As doting, protective and even high self-esteem parents, we may be directly affecting our children in their mindset of facing challenges/failures and hindering their abilities to overcome life obstacles.
Some parental behaviours to ponder over…..
Don’t we rush into solving the problems for our kids when we hear that they are being ’bullied’ in school, without giving them enough opportunity to develop the social skills to resolve the issue themselves?
What is our tolerance level and how often do we not put blames on our children when they make mistakes in life?
When our children face difficulties in school assignments, don’t we sometimes help them complete it?
Aren’t we always trying to pave an easier path for our children to minimise the difficulties that they face in life?
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To a certain extent, we need to learn how to let go and close an eye to allow our children to harness the strength to battle life’s challenges.
There are so much more I have to learn to be a better parent in allowing our boys to grow out of their comfort zone, be independant and prepare them for the future.
As parents, it is so true that we play such an important role in influencing our children’s control of life.
hellooo, really liking this post!
Thank you for sharing what you have been reading about. It is such useful information as it is true that as a parent it is easier just to do things for our children and to do what we can to protect them. Meanwhile not realizing that leaving them to resolve issues on their own will help them develop.
Very though invoking extraction from the book. I am still struggling to let go and I guess I am doing it gradually so it still is not so bad.
Hi Marie,
It is useful to read to nourish our mind and soul. Most importantly, we must be able to let go of our control on our kids and practise what we learn. It is very tough for me because everytime I let go more, my heart aches.
Hi Michael,
I agree that we should do it gradually. Somehow, I find it easier to let go of control of Darren than Brendan although I often preach to my elder one that he should start being independant and open-minded to solve problems. Perhaps, my youngest one tends to be more independant since young and eager to venture out and that makes it easier for me.