Stress must have taken over me and I am starting to feel that my memory seems to be playing disappointment trick on me these days. I cannot imagine that just an hour ago I actually had to sit in front of my PC screen squeezing my brain dry…yes…very dry …..just to recall the password to my blog’s admin page. Errrgh…..there is no excuse for me to forget at all but the sudden mental block just struck me. Fortunately, I managed to recover it. What seems to be the reason for my shorter memory recently? Am I getting old? Oh no! Better not since I have not even reached my forties. It must be stress and the lack of sleep.

I have been so involved in preparing Brendan for his SA1 exam, juggling with family errands and juggling with a much heavier workload in office and this must have affected me. As much as I try to remind myself not to bring work headache home, it is really not so easy to just change my switch and say “Hey, it is knock-off time now and just throw away all the work stress at work and pretend there is no issues at all and forget and relax!”. You see stress has that lingering effect and it does not get switched off at fixed timing.

Then the guilt that I have actually only about 2 hours left per night to ensure that Brendan is well-prepared for his papers and then there is also Darren either demanding for attention or left alone in one corner, makes me suddenly feel that I have so much to achieve in such a short hour at home each day.

Then comes the greater question mark of “Why am I in office and why don’t I just take leave to tutor Brendan or even take a break if that makes me feel less guilty or tired?” However, that does not make me feel better either especially when the team is already so busy at work and then I will also be feeling equally guilty at home or worry about a greater pile of unfinished tasks or work issues at work when I finally return after a few days’ leave. So this internal struggle goes on until maybe unknowingly I am really stressed out ….Thank Goodness Papa Ed has chipped in to tutor Brendan too or I can’t imagine my super brain and ME striving between work, home, family errands and many many small mandane matters…especially this period when I am so busy both at work and at home.

Well, actually I should make use of now, when I can finally to have a breather to catch up with beauty sleep instead of blogging. However, writing somehow makes me let out some of these pressure within and I tend to feel better later.

At the end, this is still the challenging life of a working mother and the path that I choose, to ensure a better life for my kids…so I can’t blame anybody else. Hopefully, next week things will slow down in pace ….