Yesterday, I was at a restaurant and was entertained by a mom at the next table lecturing loudly at her teenage daughter.

Mom: “I called out your name and you ignored me. Even the waitress at the counter and your brother heard me calling, turned and looked at me but you ignored me!”

Daughter: “I didn’t hear.”

Mom:”You didn’t hear? You trying to lie to me or yourself or God? Let’s see how God punish you for how you treat your mother!”

Daughter: “I didn’t hear.”

Mom repeated what she had said earlier and went on:”You think you will be here without me? Don’t act like yaya papaya. You think you are old enough to treat your mom like this by ignoring me when I called out for you?”

Daughter remained quiet and looked down (apparently embarrassed by the mom’s non-stop loud nagging).

Mom was more furious that daughter was quiet and exclaimed: “How do you treat your mother? You refused to say sorry and embarrassed is it and keep looking down? You keep use your handphone. If not for me, will you own a handphone? Ungrateful……*blah blah blah*”

——

The scenario… The mom went on and on and on for about 15 minutes while the daughter chose to remain quiet. I was sure the next table, next next table and so forth would have heard her. I do not understand what wrong the daughter had done before the mother broke into a merciless scolding for a long 15 minutes. I understand sometimes when our children push our patience to the limits, we could get carried away with our lectures.

[However, in this case, if I were the daughter, I wouldn't like it too to be screamed at, be attacked by a series of ''verbal cannon balls" continuously and loudly in a crowded public place (worse in school uniform) while sitting there enduring quietly just cause I have to wait for my meal to be served.]

I was disturbed by the mother’s incessant scolding which showed no mercy for her teenager’s ego. By the time, she has finished, I looked at Brendan and wondered “Oops! Have I been so long-winded before but I didn’t realise? Have I ever gone overboard too when scolding him and overlook his ego when I am pushed to extreme tolerance?” HOPE NOT.  Sometimes, we are so fast to learn from other’s mistakes but we fail to look at our own.

I know the mom’s lecture did not work because as soon as she walked off to make payment, her daughter started to get chatty with her brother (oh dear! badmouthing the mom) and I was suddenly awakened: “Oh No! I need to get less emo sometimes and remember never to throw my son’s face in public before I build that similar resentment in my kid.”

I wish I could give the same awakening call to that mother who obviously scolded her daughter for the daughter’s good but with an ineffective communications method.

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As a mother of a soon teenager, our elder boy has certainly made clear his list of DON’T DO by parents in PUBLIC PLACES.

(When our kids grow, they definitely display their likes and dislikes obviously through gestures and COMPLAINTS and even Cold Wars. Each individual kid is different.)

So, it’s adjustment time …. I have to give myself a kick to do to the best of my ability in adhering to these golden PARENTING RULES in PUBLIC PLACES for our preteen which are

NOT TO :

- reprimand in public (Even at the lowest volume). Tough especially when parents are fast to spot on mistakes of their kids and correct them but with growing up kids, parents must practise additional perseverance.

- give a kiss even if he does us proud (typical of our Asian culture not to show affection in public)

- let friends know that his parents are ferrying him to and from school (they like to be regarded as independant)

- hold his hands in front of friends or peer (for fear of being referred to as mommy’s boy)

- follow along when with friends

- exclaim even if tripped (big boy can pick himself up)

- help him buy food in canteen or rush to carry his heavy loaded stuff 

- use improper adjectives eg. lousy, silly etc.

As parents, we feel the need to discipline our kids and we tend to overlook that our methods of discipline has to be adjusted too as they grow and we tend to overlook whether we are inviting more resentment and hurting ego.  So often, we get too involved that we tend to get frustrated in why our parenting methods that used to work before does not work on our children any more at later stage.

We are children once. I am sure we didn’t like to be embarrassed and our esteem definitely cost a zillion pound too.

* To hubby: In case I get too emo, let’s remind ourselves constantly of the GOLDEN PARENTING RULES in PUBLIC PLACES.*

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