Motherly Love


It was already passed midnight when I had to set-off from the hospital.   My heart was heavy. My feelings were filled with anxiety and reluctance. Suddenly from a moment of joy, it had become moments of worries.


That was the 3rd day after my delivery of Brendan and the doctor had advised that my little baby stay in the hospital to go through treatment for severe jaundice. Jaundice occurs due to a build-up of substance in the blood called bilirubin.


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Being a first time mother, I was not aware at that point that jaundice is common among newborn babies and neither have I heard of young babies having to go through light treatment for it. Then I started blaming myself - for maybe consuming wrong type of food during my pregnancy (with common Chinese myth like consuming ginger can cause a baby’s skin to turn yellow) and leading to his condition. <this is why I encourage mothers-to-be to gain more knowledge on common illness among young babies so that we are better-informed>.


To make matters worse, when they said that Brendan had to undergo phototherapy overnight and unclothed, my worries escalated!  I started to imagine him feeling cold especially in an air-conditioned room overnight, swimming in his own urine and burned under hot light. Although these concerns were unfounded, Papa Ed had a really hard time convincing me to go back and have a good rest and that he would stay behind to watch Brendan.


Though I eventually led myself home, with medical officer’s advice that I should rest and also be home to express breast milk for Brendan, that moment of parting with my boy then was almost unbearable.



For the first time in my life, I felt so strongly that I wanted to be at the side of someone, protect him, encourage him, bear all the pain for him and even go through the whole process together. That moment, I could not control my emotions and it was the first time I wept my heart out in public and in front of strangers. Embarrassed to sound so emotional but with that strong gush of feelings…nothing explains it more than A MOTHER’S GENUINE  LOVE FOR HER CHILD.  My little baby had just come into my life for 3 days but that strong bond made me feel that I had loved him for my whole life.


That night was long as I kept my eyes open and counting lambs. It was not surprising that I jumped out of my bed again and sped to the hospital at 5am in the morning. Of course, my boy was safe and sound with good medical care by the hospital. For the next few days, we had to bring him regularly to the neighbourhood polyclinic to take his blood test, check his bilirubin level and expose him to daily morning sun (another home treatment for mild jaundice). Each time, his leg got pricked for blood, my little baby was not crying but mummy was:(


Motherly love and her strong bond with a child is such a natural feeling. That was the first instance in my life that I felt a strong gush of MOTHERLY LOVE in my heart.


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One Response to “Motherly Love”

  • My girls were both jaundice. Their doctors had us use a billy blanket. It is a machine with an electric blanket that wraps around your baby and glows. They only used it for about 5 or 6 days and then the jaundice cleared right up.

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